so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize