I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
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Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
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I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize