Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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