Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize