i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
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I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
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Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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