My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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