when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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