who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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