i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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