Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
this beer tastes like vomit already
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize