saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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