sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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