You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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