i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
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I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
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I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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