you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize