I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
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So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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