I feel like abortions should bother me more
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize