Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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