I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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