I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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