I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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