I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize