I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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