My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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