i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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