I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
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I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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