i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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