He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize