I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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