wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
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I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
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I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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