yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
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I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize