just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize