You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize