I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
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I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
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HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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