Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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