I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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