Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
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I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
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dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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