Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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