The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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