so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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