Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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