When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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