My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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