Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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