i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize