Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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