can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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