Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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