omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
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I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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