Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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